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Shoot in the foot

C: You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++: You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."
Fortran: You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling ability.
Modula-2: After realizing that you can't accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
COBOL: USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE, THEN return HANDGUN to HOLDSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.
LISP: You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds ...
BASIC: Shoot yourself in foot with water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
Basic: Your neighbor with a new PC tries to shoot his right foot - but misses. Eventually, after your helping him all Sunday afternoon, he shoots his left foot. The next day he happily describes to everyone in his office just how he did it.
FORTH: Foot in yourself shoot.
APL: You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.
Pascal: The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
SNOBOL: If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.
Concurrent Euclid: You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.
HyperTalk: Put the first bullet of the gun into the left of leg of you. Answer the result.
Motif: You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.
Unix: % Is foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o % rm *.o rm: .o: No such file or directory % is %
DOS: You can't get to either foot from here.
Xbase: Shooting yourself is no problem. If you want to shoot yourself in the foot, you'll have to use Clipper.
Paradox: Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too.
Revelation: You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot, just as soon as you figure out what all these bullets are for.
Visual Basic: You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you don't care.
Prolog: You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain.
370 JCL: You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.
Macintosh: Select gun from tools palette. Double click on foot. Sorry, there are no bullets in clipboard.
But the proper APL is: Foot <- you shoot bullet
The function "shoot" takes 2 arguments "you" and "bullet", where the number feet shot is dependent on the rank of the bullet matrix. (For non-APLers rank = dimensions). APL makes no discrimination as to whose feet might be shot, it is purely the determination of the bullets.
Assembler: You shoot someone else in the foot.
Eiffel: You cover yourself entirely with armor plate - except for your foot. You then guarantee to shoot yourself only in the foot.
Smalltalk: You send a message to your foot with a gun as one of the parameters. The message is: foot shoot-yourself.
Ada: You arrange a rendezvous with your foot in order to shoot it. But, boss, it surprise you. It-a no show up.
Copyright Thomas Rupp